Enough Light

So...I started this blog with no idea what to put in it...or even how to work my computer... but I have alot on my mind...and with the knowledge that none of this may make sense to anyone but me...I am filling up this screen...
am i going to seminary or not? a few days ago a woman from the episcopal diocese called me to schedule one of the many appointments that i will have to make on my way to becoming a postulant, and i stood there...purposefully missing her call...staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, not feeling sure about anything. i am a young woman. a sometimes wild, sometimes impulsive, sometimes arrogant, sometimes rebellious (most of the time rebellious) young woman. and i love those things about myself like i love that i am giving and passionate and sincere. is it time to discipline myself in the ways that ordained ministry will require? honestly, in the most honest way i know, i have to say out loud that i am not sure. i think i may take some time to meditate on this, be with myself and God(dess) until i feel more clear about what is to be my next step: career, vocation, romance, family, education, art... i want a big, bright, certain sun to send down a shaft of light, making everything so visible for me, but i will trust my truest Self and God(dess) to give me what I need: enough light for the next step.