no one will understand this but me.
here i am...free fuck, mini flaunting, high pitched laughter...embraced by a woman who i thought would not embrace me. and i'm challenged by this fierce embrace to live more courageously in my own life. to look directly at the things and people that scare me and embrace my fear...and them.
right now i am confronted with a difficult choice, a situation, out of my hands, which holds alot of potential pain. can i be like the one who embraced me and stretch my arms wide? how can i deal with a pain so tied to the woman who i love, to myself, and to my idea of friendship and truth? i am not ready to forgive this person. how do i stay safe while they come close again?
right now i am confronted with a difficult choice, a situation, out of my hands, which holds alot of potential pain. can i be like the one who embraced me and stretch my arms wide? how can i deal with a pain so tied to the woman who i love, to myself, and to my idea of friendship and truth? i am not ready to forgive this person. how do i stay safe while they come close again?
posted by FindingMie @ 2:27 PM
2 Comments:
At 6:57 AM,
GeminiMoonPoet said…
Oh Mimie,
Patience and gentleness with yourself will lead you to the answers you are seeking. Forgiving yourself for being pissed is a good first step. Your pisstivity (it's a word dammit) does not have to have anything to do with your ideologies, your sexual politics, or even your good judgement. Allow yourself the time to really be pissed off for a while. And take the space you need from the situation/person. Think about how long the person you mention is this blog took to reach out to you. You once told me that you do not understand impatience; we are all rushing to the same end, death. It was a slightly morbid comment to hear while driving down the street, but it discouraged me from tailgating the car in front of me. Anyway, I tell that story to encourage you to take your time with this situation that "no one will undstand" but you. Take you time with the anger, the withdrawl, and all the feelings you experience. Do not be in a rush to get that same end, just live in the emotions for a while and you will get through this. I promise.
I miss you dude. We need to talk!
~Jocie
At 6:49 AM,
Gradly said…
I have to agree with Jocelyn. Don't feel forced to move faster then your feet can carry you. And allow yourself that time and that space to get to know you better and to be pissed/angry/upset/mad/etc.
Take a few moments and look at the situation look and you and do what you feel will make you happy.
- Alysia
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