leaks

my little car is a piece of shit...a spongebob squarepants aqua green color...square and outdated...it sputters and farts...the window tint is peeling...is tempermental about starting...overheats when i run the air conditioning...leaks fluids...makes me sick...

and i am kinda sad to have a new one. my dad is driving up a different car for me sometime this week. not new by any means, but better. different. and i will have to watch my little piece of shit car go. i guess the truth is that i love this car just like i hate it. it is worn and tired and unapologetic about sometimes not wanting to move. it holds smells like memories of better days. it has problems, like me. when i drive this car, it understands me. we jerk along together, stopping and starting and trying to cover ground. this car forgives me. it knows that neither of us is perfect, but that if we keep at it we may both get to wherever the hell we are going. some days this car teaches me to scream, to be the bad example of a lady that poet Staceyann Chin aspires to be. this car teaches me to get mad, to expect better from my life, from the world. this car teaches me the honesty in imperfection. it teaches me that i cannot fix everything, that sometimes life damages us, time...all of it...you have to work with that. this car, this little piece of shit car, invites me to relax a little about my own sputterings and leaks. it tells me to sit down some days, that i am not going anywhere but back to the couch. and this car will teach me to release it when it goes.