not even donnie hathaway sadness is like mine

For all we know
We may never meet again
Before you go
Make this moment sweet again

We won't say goodnight
Until the last minute
I'll hold out my hand
And my heart will be in it

For all we know
This may only be a dream
We come and we go
Like the ripples of a stream

So love me, love me tonight
tomorrow was made for some
tomorrow may never come
for all we know

Tears to Drown

oh god i am so angry. i am so hurt. my teeth clenched, my vision blurred, my nails dug into my palms. my heart is beating so fast. i cannot scream enough. i cannot cry out enough. i cannot shed enough tears.
my god. my god.
it's so hard to be in this feeling. to reside in this pain, to let this all be real. i would rather disappear. run run away. be someone else. live someone else's life. but it is real. what's happened has happened.
and i am fucking angry.
and my heart aches.
the recent events of my life keep washing up around me, wave after wave, filling me up with rocky, salty water. i feel like i'm drowning.
i don't know what to do with this. ask god? call on friends? seek advice? be alone?
the pain is so relentless, and nothing in my stock of wisdom makes any difference right now.

"i don't understand about complimentary colors and what they say/ side by side they both get bright/ together they both get gray/ but he's been pretty much yellow/ and i've been kinda blue/ but all i can see is red red red red now/ what am i gonna do?...

i don't understand about the weather outside/ or the harmony in a tune/ or why somebody lied/ but there's solace a bit in submitting to the fitfully cryptically true/ what's happened has happened/ what's coming is already on its way with a role for me to play

and i don't understand/ i'll never understand/ but i'll try to understand/ there's nothing else i can do" --Fiona Apple

An Ache for Tomorrow (and yesterday)

my heart aches. quietly but surely. and i am sitting here staring at this cold screen just waiting for my fingers to type out phrases like "highest good" and "trusting the process". after all, i am a faithful person, a woman of great hope and a belief in god(dess). a beauty. a light. a dreamer of dreams.
but my heart aches.
my mother died four years ago tomorrow. Valentines' Day. and it just feels so appropriate that the whole world around me is plastered with hearts, filled with chocolate, covered with red celophane. it makes so much sense that everybody is talking about love right now, about hearts like mine. it is a time for the heart. my little heart...like the candy ones around me...is tattered with a message. "Miss You".
i miss you so much.

femme mafia blurb

when i was a little girl i lived for easter sunday. frills on my panties and ruffles on my socks, a can-can slip and shiny patent leather shoes with a pastel purse to match my dress...shit, if i was lucky my mom might let me wear my hair in ringlets. and when i arrived on the church steps greeted by adoration and praise from the adults, i knew that i was not only pretty. i was powerful. and i got into that. i became the kind of kid who kissed my mom every day before school because #1: she was a goddess and #2: i wanted some of her lipstick. that background was the perfect soil to create: the fabulous queer episcopalean (priest hopeful) poet southern feminist/womanist polyamorous spiritual/jesus-freak all around freak truth-seeker dog-lover nontraditionalist romantic open femme woman that i am always becoming. i love champagne, feminist theology, glitter, flirting, puppies that fit in my purse, gospel music, red wine, companionship, the eucharist, eye-liner, sixty-nine, and heels with jeans. i heart my three big sisters. i pray for an end to injustice. i believe one day my dog will stop peeing on the carpet. i work to make a path where there is no path. i demand to be worshipped. oh yeah, and i wanna touch the sky. sometimes i do...

Rockin Saturday Night

i was a brave grrl today. within minutes of waking up this morning i was in tears, filled with feelings of loneliness and desparation...and i called out to myself: get the hell up! fuck the fact that life is hard and that not having a job really sucks and that i'm spending the weekend alone when i thought i would spend it snuggled up and blah blah blah blah... fuck that. i will only have this day once. now is my only opportunity to grab this moment and make love to it, make it giggle, make it love me back. so i called my godmother and got my scared-of-the-highway ass in the car and drove out to see her. we had champagne to celebrate my courage, ate fajitas, and played scrabble by the fireplace till midnight. she is wonderful, absolutely absolutely wonderful, and being with her was just what i needed. now i'm curled up in the recliner watching cheesy videos... with the day blushing, clinging close to my side. hell yeah.